Note to self

Disregard your feelings. Drop the act. Nobody cares. Nobody wants to handle your shit. Nobody’s interested in constantly having to patch your fucked up psyche.  Nobody wants that job. Nobody’s entitled to carry that burden, except for yourself.

Stop showing people that you’re dying inside. Nobody wants to know. Nobody wants to help. Some may seem that they do, but they don’t and more importantly, they can’t. It’s your fight. You’re alone. Completely alone in this.

Man up, keep it inside, hide it no matter what and try to fit it. Try to be a robot. Don’t focus on what or how you feel. Don’t even think about it, and above that, don’t let it out. Never let it out. It becomes real once you do, and still nobody wants it. Nobody wants to take care of your gruesome self. Not even you. So drop it.

You've been trying to fix it for so long, but it’s not going away. It’s over-proportioned already and it’s all your fault. Change. At least on the outside. Stop hiding in alcohol or drugs. Even those things don’t want to be involved in this. They won’t take the pain away. They won’t even numb your inner monsters anymore. They’re still there. Waiting. They feed on your every worthless try. So don’t try. Don’t you fucking try. Accept it. You’re doomed. Forever. No doubt. No way out.

Knowing all of this, you need to stop trying to get out. You need to stop trying to find someone who will pull you out. Move forward with your plastic skin. Or die. Either way, you’re completely and utterly dead inside anyway. You’re alone no matter what and you’ll be alone forever. The pain won’t go away, there is nothing to make it go away. Deal with it.

The only thing you can and should do is use whatever you have, use your fake plastic skin that covers your dead bones. Use it for others. Stop thinking about yourself, because you’re nothing. You don’t matter anyway. That should be clear by now. You’re dead already, but you can help others live.Take your pain along and do something plastic. If you can’t do things for yourself, do them for the others. They need it. You don’t. You’re not here. Not really. You’re long gone. Goodbye..

THE END.